dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
