The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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