She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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