im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
