I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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