Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
