I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize