just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
