everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
