Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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