The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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