also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
