i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize