It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
