Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
