My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
