I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
