Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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