Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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