so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
