my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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