I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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