so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I AM VODKA MAN
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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