I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
