ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
