hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
