She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
