shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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