...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
