Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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