Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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