Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize