All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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