I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
