No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
