oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
