Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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