ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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