remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
