I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
