Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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