I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
