why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
