after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
