Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize