Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
