i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
