i just google imaged poop.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
