She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
