1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
