omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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