Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
