Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just pee around me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He? As in you personified your dick?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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