i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
