ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You smell like stripper and shame
4 words: hood of his car
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
