so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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