your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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