Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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