I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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