Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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