it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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