So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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