so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
