Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
