It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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