9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
