Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
