I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize