i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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