if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
