is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
